I’m not superwoman…
A few weeks ago my husband and I started his new passion project: Terroir, our wine- and tea bar, where we – he as a wine sommelier and I as a tea sommelier (both of us are still in training) – can practice our passion for pure and adventurous tastes and are able to use the other half of our brain. And even though we wrote in our blog a few weeks ago that you don’t need to choose anymore, I realized later that I needed to bring a but more nuance to that statement.
As long as you don’t run into a physical boundary like time, location or money, there’s no reason for me to not chase your dreams. Time is my personal challenge. There’s only 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week. ‘Where do I find the time’, people have been asking me for the past months. Well, I… choose the time. Very deliberately. Because even I am not superwoman.
I cancel a lot
Yes, I still practice yoga and karate, I even play a bit of guitar now and then. But I do them less frequently than I used to. I cancel a lot of social events (for the time being), I shop online with exception of local stores (I couldn’t do that to my colleagues). I’m being well-served by tears of time management and planning. I try to ask myself with every wild and enthusiastic idea ‘are we able to going to make this happen in a qualitative with the available time we have?’. This also means that my life is often very planned and structured. That’s not an easy thing, because my personality profile does not like structure and I need room to be able to run around. This sometimes means that I have to cancel even more, like not going to karate training, or choose to do yoga at home with an app instead of going to the studio.
I know how far I can go
Physically the last few years have been difficult. I even had the diagnosis of ‘chronic fatigue syndrome’ for a while. A diagnosis that I did not agree with. It wouldn’t have helped me anyway. I had to do a lot of work on myself, together with an orthomolecular doctor, yoga, meditation, hypnotherapy, emotional work with my counselor,… It taught me that I can’t push my physical body to the max (hahaha, how did I not know this yet…?). It also taught me to feel quite early on when I have to step on the brake. I luckily don’t have CFS, I’m doing a lot better, but for now I don’t have superpowers either.
There is no magical, mathematical or universal formula…
Even for me / for us it’s a constant search. The hourly schedule my husband and I put forth, quickly turned out to be naïve and impossible. Woops, more time in this one business, means that time has to come for somewhere else. That’s a search for us. That’s one of the reasons why we are not willing to open our bar on Saturday. I wouldn’t know how I would be able to manage my life, unless I sacrifice another day, which I refuse. Which is also a choice. Apart from that I’m a strong believer in ‘quantity time’. No no, this is not a typing mistake. I’ve noticed that being present and available for my children (even when they’re bigger), is fundamental to them. And I believe that they are entitled to this. So if something is going on with them, I cancel just about anything: they are my top priority, everything else must go. Even a passion project, a business, clients… my place at that time is with my children. Employers who don’t show concern in that moment are done with. A person doesn’t live to work.
If we made it seem like literally everything is combinable and that choosing is no longer necessary, then we have been a bit too unnuanced. Choosing is important. It’s not my ambition to spend my life working 24/7, I can’t and I don’t want to. I formulated a clear vision for myself, I wrote down what I find important in my life and put this into a vision board. It hung it above my desk at work. A constant reminder of what’s really important. And I have been able to keep it top of mind. I often suggest making a vision board to our clients in career coaching, it can give you so much clarity about your choices.