Even optimists are allowed to be fed up (sometimes)
Those who follow me on social media, could enjoy a big portion of entertainment on Monday. That’s what I decided to call it. Because Monday brought me a whole load of challenges. Murphy comes in 3’s, one of my friends wrote me. And she was right. My head knows that statistically you can’t prove this, it could also be 10 misfortunes or not a single one. I tried to use humor. It worked. When the window of my garage broke (I stuck my elbow right through, I seem to have superpowers!), I stood there – after applying a big black ‘spider’ in tape – laughing. How was this possible! If my life would have been a soap, nobody would have believed it. Moreover I recently read ‘Learned Optimism’ by Seligman. So this was not going to get me down. Until today it all just became too much. There I was, with my theory about optimism and refocusing and about my ‘explanatory style’.
It’s allowed to be fed up
I was, literally crying (not for long). How much bad luck can one person have in a week, I thought. To top it off I got accused of being an impossible and overly demanding person (a b*tch). That was too much. Hello, I was having a not so usual week, could I please get some credit? Being really honest: the entire week I felt like I was crawling through thick mud. Flexible as I am, I rearranged my schedule multiple times each day. To plan visit to the doctor, to move clients, call on the grandmothers, stop by the pharmacist,… At a certain point your resilience runs out. My colleague Rilla has a perfect description for this feeling: a make me cry-day. But is it allowed to be fed up? Do we allow ourselves to feel that way? Because even I know this feeling of guilt that some of my clients have. It feels ungrateful. Being fed up is allowed. It’s is totally fine to say: I didn’t like this week. It’s better to honestly describe your feelings than sugarcoating them and pretending like everything is fine. Pretend like you’ve got everything under control. Because that makes us sick: knowing that you’re not okay right now, knowing that you dislike a situation, but being afraid to say it out of fear of being seen as a whiner. That’s a recipe for disaster.
While I’m writing this blog, I feel the adrenaline (and with it my self-pity which I felt like I had some right to) flow away. I found that I had the right to feel sad for myself for a short while. But I don’t want to have bad days. Life is too short. It’s not because you had 4 challenging days, that your life is a disaster (thank god!). And it doesn’t make you a loser. But your body and mind need some time to reset. I recently started following heart coherence. Strong stuff, because in 3 minutes you can almost completely reset your body. So that’s first: opening the app and following the dot, breathe innnnn, breathe ouuuut… I have some other tricks up my sleeve. Like going for a walk around the block, drinking tea (I just got a sample of new Japanse tea, a beauty!), writing it off. Mentally you also need a cleanse. Because Seligman taught me that, how you explain bad luck, defines how fast you’ll recover. If you feel like a victim or feel like you had a bad week (and those pass).
A perspective is worth a lot
Monday night I was biking at the end of my day to my lesson ‘herbal infusions and blending your own tea’ (my new passion). That’s an uphill bike ride and top of the hill I pass a funeral home. No matter how crazy that day was, I was still happy. Because as long as I could bike pass that place without having to stop there, everything is alright. Today I could complain to my complain-buddy Sofie. She also needed some time to complain. So we complained to each other and admitted that we cried. Not something you should do a lot or for a long time, but it can bring you peace. After such a complain session we both remember that it’s not something fundamental, as long as the basis is solid.
And even though I could have written a blog about ‘3 things you could do to turn a fed up day around’, I chose to openly come forward about days when everything seems to go wrong. So that you know that, even for you, there is openness to honestly say when things are not working out for you. So that you know that even coaches get fed up and complain because of that we are better able to help you find your reset buttons. Because even we need them sometime.