That’s exactly what comparing yourself to others does: it makes you feel like a total loser. And that is incredibly incorrect. We all have talent and potential. It’s just a matter of knowing what your strengths are and what you can do with them. But as a coach I also know not everyone knows their talents and potential, let alone how this could benefit them. So what are your talents? What makes you unique? Why should you be proud of who you are? I’ll give you 5 good reasons never to compare yourself anymore, because comparing only makes you feel miserable.
Reason #1: Reality check, no-one gets anything for free
Trust me, behind every success you’ll find hard work. I don’t get up with a perfect make-up. That takes time, choices and dedication. A successful business all by itself doesn’t exist. Finding the perfect job doesn’t happen all by itself either. So when someone tells you ‘oh, you know, it basically just happened’ they were either extremely lucky or they forgot how it really was (or they don’t want to tell you the truth).
Reason #2: Your talent is unique
When we were little kids, my sister and I would sometimes ask my mom “who do you love most, me or her?” My mom would say the same as I tell my kids: “I love you both equally”. My kids are totally different people with a totally unique skill set. They are incomparable. That’s why I love them both equally: because they are unique, just like you.
Reason #3: Be proud of who you are
One of my favourite coaching exercises is analysing successes. I noticed it’s difficult for a lot of my clients. We’re not trained to analyse successes and we often don’t call small things a success. Yet I’m convinced each one of us is successful every day: something that went right that you contributed to, no matter how small. Or as my yoga teacher-by-app SarahBeth often repeats: “You showed up today, that’s already half the work”. Sometimes even that is enough to be proud of yourself, it depends on the circumstances.
Reason #4: Your ‘sacred goals’ define your direction, not that of others
Sacred goal, say what? We don’t all want the same things in life. When your life is done, after a hopefully long and happy life, and you go down wearing a huge smile on your face, what will be the reasons for that enormous smile? What makes life worth living for you? What’s worth fighting for? What gives you joy and fulfilment?
Reason #5: Scoring on talent is the easiest thing in the world
I’m often surprised when I give feedback to clients on strengths and talents that I see them put to use, that they don’t recognise it as a talent because it’s easy. What’s easy to you is not necessarily easy to other people. That’s exactly what a talent defines: things you could do eyes closed and still get a great result.
Comparing to others never made anyone happy. Besides, you don’t know the full story, and you’re not them and they’re not you. In his book ‘The 12 Rules for Life’ the author Jordan Peterson advises to only compare yourself to how you were yesterday: did you become an even better person? And I would like to add: and does it get you closer to your sacred goals? There, 5 good reasons never to compare yourself again to other people. Enjoy!
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